


ted nivison kills god

by everythingFangirl



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Crack, DO NOT ASK, Gen, probably a bad idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28490604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingFangirl/pseuds/everythingFangirl
Summary: Ted Nivison is going to kill god.With the help of an old friend, a British child and an anime boy, can he pull it off?(It's just crack. Enjoy.)
Relationships: nah - Relationship
Comments: 36
Kudos: 97
Collections: Dream SMP Connected Storylines





	ted nivison kills god

**Author's Note:**

> surprise :)
> 
> Slightly different from my usual brand, hope you enjoy regardless!

Ted Nivison is going to kill god. 

Ted Nivison swore a vow to kill god in the year 2021, and dammit he’s going to follow through with it no matter what. He’d be able to do it with his own sheer power, of course, but he grabbed a set of armor and a glock just in case.

He climbs to the top of the tallest mountain in his world, then leaps right up into the clouds and into the domain of god himself.

“Hey, god, I’m here to kill you!” He yells with his incredibly deep voice.

“Hey, Ted! What’s up? Also, how dairy-you come in here and threaten me like that?”

Ted is suddenly taken aback when he realizes that he knows the guy that’s just walked up to him. “Charlie Slimecicle? You’re god?”

“Well, technically, I’m _a_ god. Hey, Condi, Bizly, come say hi to Ted!”

Two more guys step out to meet him. “Hello, I am Condifiction, well-known supporting character in the Slimecicle Cinematic universe,” one of them says. 

“And I’m Biz-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP BIZLY,” the other two shout immediately, and Condifiction begins throwing splash potions on the third god.

Untroubled by the chaos, as it is his natural element, Ted asks Charlie, “So there’s three gods?”

“Well, there were four, but one of us already died after becoming evil. And before that there was another god who also died after becoming evil. Oh, and yeah, there was another god before him who _also_ died after becoming evil. It’s a long story. Go watch the Slimecicle Cinematic Universe on YouTube, and also subscribe to Slimecicle on YouTube and Twitch, did you know that if you have Amazon Prime you get a free Twitch subscription every month? Oh, and I’m also part of the Just Roll With It podcast and I have a second channel called Slm-”

“That's enough fourth-wall breaking Charlie. Anyway, hey, I swore I’d kill god, but I don’t really want to kill you now that I think about it. What am I gonna do now?”

“Oh, hey, thanks dude, I really appreciate that! And well, you swore you’d kill _a_ god, right? But you never said it had to be this world’s god.”

“No, I guess not. Do you know about any other gods I could kill?”

“I might have something in mind, yeah. This one guy isn’t letting me into his world, you could probably try to kill him, I don’t mind. I can teleport you over there with my god powers, if you want.”

“Oh yeah, sure!”

“Cool! Have fun! But be careful, this guy’s a real nightmare.” Charlie winks at the metaphorical camera, because there isn’t actually a camera seeing as this is a written work on ao3, and with a wave of his hand Ted Nivison is transported to another realm.

He lands in some snow next to a house and a really tall cobblestone tower. 

“Hey! Who the fuck are you and why are you here?” Someone with a really annoying British accent asks him. Ted looks up and sees a tall gangly blond boy standing over him.

“Chommy? ChommyInnit?”

“Yes, that’s me, big man ChommyInnit!”

“What is going on here?” another voice, somehow even deeper than Ted’s own, asks. “I was in the middle of asking people to subscribe to me and you ruined it.” And out of the house steps pink-haired anime boy Technoblade. 

“Hey, Technoblade!” Ted immediately says.

“Oh god.” Technoblade goes back inside, overcome by a wave of PTSD.

“By the way, speaking of god,” Ted segues perfectly, “I’m here to kill him, do you know where he is?”

“You’re here to kill Dream?” Tommy asks.

“If he’s the god here, then yeah, sure. Because I obviously hate Dream and everything he stands for, I have stated this multiple times and this is my real and actual opinion.”

“Oh, cool! That means I can get my discs back! I’ll help you out!” Tommy responds with a grin, then turns back towards the house. “Technoblade! I’m gonna go kill god with this guy I just met, do you wanna come with us?”

Technoblade instantly kicks open the door to the house, wearing a full set of enchanted netherite armor and wielding two firework crossbows and three axes, screaming “ANARCHY!!!”

“Pogchamp! Can we get some Twitch Primes for that?” Tommy says.

“The voices in my head don’t have Twitch Primes, they just have superchats!” Techno screams, already flying away with his trident.

“This really is gonna be a nightmare,” Ted mumbles to himself.

“Hell yeah! Come on, big man, let’s go kill god!” Tommy shouts enthusiastically, already running ahead and leaving Ted no choice but to follow.

As Ted’s running, two ghosts appear and float alongside him. 

“Hello friend, I am Ghostbur, would you like some blue?” One of them asks with an echo-y voice. 

“Ah fuck, more British people?” Ted grumbles.

The other ghost just says “GLATT.”

Suddenly, Ted realizes he recognizes him. “Wait, Schlatt, since when are you a ghost?”

“GLATT.”

“Is that just what you do now? You just float around and say “Glatt” over and over again?”

“GLATT.”

“Okay.”

Tommy and Techno go through a Nether portal, and Ted follows them, leaving the two ghosts to flirt or whatever the hell they do in their spare time. Haunt some shit? Probably haunt some shit.

Through the Nether our heroes traverse, until they reach another portal and emerge back into the Overworld. 

“Welcome to L’Manberg,” Tommy says with a somber tone. “Can we get some Twitch Primes in chat?” 

“...Tommy?”

Ted’s about to say ‘Really, even more British people?’, but then he sees the boy standing on the wooden path in front of them, staring at Tommy with a heartbroken expression.

“Tubbo?” Tommy’s staring right back at him.

“What is - what is going on here?” Ted murmurs to Technoblade. “Are they just staring at each other?” 

“Yeah. Just leave ‘em, they’re going through some stuff right now. This is gonna take a while, let ‘em figure it out.”

“Okay.” Ted and Techno continue to walk down the path, leaving the two British boys behind, still both looking as if they’re about to cry.

“Before you face Dream, can I give you some advice?” Technoblade asks.

“Sure, go for it.”

“Do not give in to your own hubris, Theodore. Do not do as Bellerophon did, when after slaying the Chimera he tried to fly to Olympus out of pride to join the gods, and was struck out of the sky by a mere gadfly. For, should you fail, the consequences shall be more dire than you can imagine.” He pauses for dramatic effect, leaving his last harrowing proclamation echoing between them as the sword of Damocles hanging from a single strand of hair. “Alright, that’s all, let’s go, subscribe to Technoblade.”

He runs away with his speed enchantments, leaving Ted in the dust. Ted follows him anyway, eager to finally fulfill his destiny, when he spots a menacing figure looming in front of them. 

His face shrouded under a hood and a mask, clothed in neon green as if a venomous animal warning that it is not to be trifled with. An aura of power surrounds him, unlike anyone Ted has ever encountered in this world, nay, in his life. Truly, this can be no-one but Dream himself.

Technoblade runs screaming down the path towards him, axe brandished. 

Dream snaps his fingers, and he disappears.

“What? Where did he go?” Ted asks.

“I sent him to prison,” Dream says. “I’m the god here, I can just do that. There isn’t really anything anyone can do about it. I don’t know why people keep trying to fight me.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense. Hi Dream, by the way, I’m here to kill you.”

Dream begins to laugh menacingly. “Oh, but how could you? For I am the puppetmaster, the one above all. My true number of canon lives is a mystery, you could not hope to kill me even if you wanted to. The world itself bends to my will, and every action you have ever taken has been carefully orchestrated by me to lead up to this precise moment. I have been pulling the strings for your entire miserable life, ensnared you in my beautifully crafted spider’s web, and you cannot escape, Theodore, for I am Dream, YouTuber of fifteen million subscribers, I am your doom -”

Ted shoots him with his glock. The end.


End file.
